


Do you like Pina Coladas?

by carcinosgeneticist



Category: Voltron: Legendary Defender
Genre: F/M, M/M, allura eats fish so dont read if youre not into that, shiro is a hoe, this is literally just for my discord chat, this is such a shitpost
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2017-03-04
Updated: 2017-03-04
Packaged: 2018-09-28 05:50:11
Rating: Not Rated
Warnings: Creator Chose Not To Use Archive Warnings
Chapters: 1
Words: 1,012
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/10075052
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/carcinosgeneticist/pseuds/carcinosgeneticist
Summary: This is basically one giant shitpost so run far away unless you want to be thoroughly confused. This is for JJ for being a real MVP and bringing all us Paladins etc. together.





	

10:00 The doorbell doesn't ring, but the sound of the door rocking back on it's hinges announces the arrival of guests. Pidge and Lance go straight for the kitchen and to the display of alcohol on the counter top that Lotor was able to scrounge up. Pidge immediately pours back an obscene amount of vodka into her mouth, and while Lotor is impressed by this small high school junior, he is in no way shocked. Of course, he has no idea what is to come.

10:15 Shiro and Keith arrive together, they meander around the house, and for just a second, Lotor thinks this may be the most boring party of his life

10: 18 “Everyone I had ever known was there.” The wave of acne-angst ridden teenagers flowing into the house was unprecedented. The entire Garrison seeped into the house, filling every nook and cranny with the scent of sweat and Axe body spray. Somewhere, Shiro stood in a corner, his plan unfolding perfectly.

10:20 Lotor could be heard from across the house, The shout of “What the FUCK Shiro?!” turned heads, but only until a steady stream of frat boys in backwards hats and Greek letter t-shirts come strolling in with a keg of beer and body paint

10:21 One particular vase is knocked over. The gradual decline in behavior resembles the stock market crash of 1929. This is to say, everything goes to shit.

10:45 In his search for Shiro, Lotor stumbles across a group of frat boys pouring gasoline into his measly 2 by 2 fire pit. It bursts into flames like Dracula in a bad vampire movie and in some sort of bizarre fraternity ritual, the men begin to dance circles around the fire. Lotor is speechless, the remnants of his hope for a peace treaty with Shiro quite literally going up in flames.

10:53 Keith stumbles through the crowd, a sense of panic rising steadily in his chest as the comfort offered by Shiro's presence subsides and he is left in a sea of strangers. The panic is only dulled by the confidence that Keith has in Shiro. Any moment his strong hand will rest against Keith's side and the voice that he has become so accustomed to will speak comforting words into his ear. Keith stands in the hallway, his eyes closed. He collects himself, a quick breath and then he decides to head upstairs to find Shiro.

10:54 His heart sinks. Shiro pays him no attention, even as he spends an eternity watching the hands of another man stroke the short hair at the back of Shiro's neck. The bile in his stomach rises and Keith walks back down the stairs.

11:02 The rocks by the fish tank are very nice. Or at least in Pidge's drunken stupor, they are the most beautiful orbs she has ever seen. Allura, who is drunkenly holding onto the hem of Pidge's shirt follows Pidge who shoves handfuls of rocks into her pockets, effectively dragging her pants down a good inch. Allura watches the fish intently before grabbing a rock and swinging at the fish tank, effectively drenching all nearby witnesses. “I really want some fish to die.” She is later quoted as saying, staring straight at the fish on the floor who are suffocating.

11:11 Make a wish. Allura clogs the toilet with dead fish.

11:23 In relation to Zarkon's earlier mentioned stripper classes, a pole is found. Like a drunken gazelle, Lance climbs the pole in a less than tasteful strip tease. This is made 100% harder with lube on his hands from rolling condoms onto “every pop bottle in the fridge”  
11:30 Lotor prays for death. His palms are sweaty, knees weak, arms are heavy. Tequila is not meant to be bathed in. Keith has never cried this much in his entire life, and he doesn't even know why. The shots no longer sting as he sinks down onto the kitchen floor and the salty tears roll down his stained cheeks. Somehow, it registers with Lotor that they are both going through struggles of their own, and so he sits on the floor with a bottle of Svedka and he takes turns tipping it back into his skull with Keith.

11:45 Allura somehow convinces a handful of impressionable youth to eat dead fish that may or may not have already been in a toilet. Allura, the savage that she is, eats the fish as well. The exchange student goes down in history.

11:56 Pidge pins Lance up against a wall and with little to no talking, they end up making out furiously against the wall in the hallway. Neither of them is able to register just how gross this is, with Pidge smelling like fish and river rocks and Lance covered in lube. 

12:00 Lotor, despite being drunk is able to recognize the sound of his pink convertible a mile away. In a valiant display of self preservation, he stands and breaks the sound barrier “FUCK MY DAD IS ON HIS WAY HOME” The noise stops, and a drunken Keith stands with the Vodka bottle in hand. He raises the bottle above his head and throws it against the floor, shattering it into a hundred pieces. “SCATTER!” 

12:01 Shiro walks his drunk ass home, alone and very aroused. He has no idea where his car is and maybe that is for the best. Not a single thought in his mind is coherent.

12:01 Keith walks home, mad and drunk, not sure where he is going or if he is headed in the correct direction. At one point, he almost passes out on someones lawn, but he manages to fall through his window and into bed with as much coordination as he can muster.

12:07 Whether or not Pidge and Lance went to jail is unknown to anyone but the two. The rumor persists around school even past their graduation.

“This is the worst night of my entire life.”


End file.
